How right you are, Richard. I was standing by my work at a show when a woman and her friend came up discussing my art. One of them, while gazing at my work, said to her friend, "It just doesn't SAY anything." I wanted to say, "Helloooo! I'm standing right here! I can hear you!"... but I didn't. All the lovely things that people had said about my work that weekend went right out the window after this woman's insensitive blurb. Why is it that we remember the bad stuff? Like you said, try not to dwell on the negative and just remember the happy clients and the admirers and, most of all, please yourself and others will respond to that.

So what did you do about that portrait? I'd like to hear the rest of the story.
I have had a bad experience too.
my client had given me a terrible photo of his deceased son. It was taken with a flash, and even worse, it was a photo of a photo! I did my very best and let him see what I had done. he sent me a list (about 10 items!) of everything he didn't like about it. Most of the things he didn't like were places that my painting did not exactly match the tones of the photograph.
I made some of the changes and wrote him a long letter explaining why i could not do all of the changes. He then came back with another list.
I repeated myself. He did pay me, but it was pretty sour for me by then.

Richard,

Rejection, even when kind, is still rejection and certainly can be unpleasant. Sometimes, though, it can be amusing. Some years ago I painted a double portrait of good friends, a couple. It was not for commission; I did it as a gift to them. Both of them really liked it and thought it captured them as individuals and as a unit. The funny part is that his family liked her portrait but not his and her family liked his portrait but not hers. Both sides were quite adamant in their opinions. This was a source of amusement for some time afterwards.

Richard, I don't think Vincent Van Gogh handled rejection very well, however, he did know that one day in the future his work would be appreciated.
Whenever a very close relative of mine comes to a juried show reception with me, I think she thinks she is complementing me by insulting other works of art. I have to tell her to lower her voice, because she doesn't hear well, so she speaks loudly.
Then it happened to me. An older gentleman was looking at the paintings with his daughter, and he insulted my painting. I was a bit hurt, but then I remembered my very close relative, and I just had to laugh. His daughter was whispering to him, and he just said what he felt.
I believe as Michael does. Insulting our art is like insulting us or even our child.

Richard..

This is a wonderful article...and I feel your angst with the portrait. I want to know also...what happened? What is the end of the story?

I was there many, many years ago (while in my early 20's) when I was commissioned to do a portrait/figure of a man and his wife.
The husband commissioned it as a surprise gift to his wife. A tiny photo he gave me to use for a 24 x 36 vertical size oil. Good thing I had great eyesight back then. Just getting the drawing right from that small photo...whew!!
I asked him many questions because I could not meet his wife. One question was making sure of the color of her eyes. He said they were blue, I asked, are you sure because they appear brown or hazel to me. He insisted, they are blue. O.K. He came back a few times to see how the painting was progressing and was pleased thus far.
Then as it got closer to it being completed, he came back again and rejected the whole painting. Finally, he admitted that her eyes were indeed BROWN and NOT Blue, and wanted to know if it would cost more to repaint the color of her eyes.
O.K. fine.....fixed that. BUT, then a week later, he comes back again, and tells me his wife totally had her hair cut and changed her complete hairstyle. O.K...not what I wanted to hear. He did not know if he wanted the painting because of that. He was rejecting it again after all the time and hard work hat I had put into it trying to get it just perfect for him. I refused to change the hairstyle. IT was so totally different than her original hairstyle that she had worn for so many years, including the color!!
I was a young artist and really wanted to please and be liked and have my work liked but, there were limits. What a time!
Eventually, he did come back to pick up the painting, paid for it and left telling me he liked it. But, I felt like he was NOT totally pleased with the final result. Never again I told myself. The stress was not worth it to me, nor the payment.

But, handling rejection is a horrible thing to have to go thru. It is too personal and I know I have shed many tears throughout the years and then forced myself to pick myself back up again.

You know..there are those times too when rejection or raw mean comments of rejection should be considered by the source of where or who is saying them. Even in juried shows, we should take into consideration who the judge or judges are...and try to give ourselves a break once in awhile.

Stede ..it is interesting that you said Actors have classes in handling rejection.
Funny thing just last week I mentioned to another artist there should be classes for artists in handling rejection. LOL

AND, I think it is a good idea to keep all the GOOD things that we have heard or seen written about our work..write them down....save the acceptance letters, the e-mails and the actual letters from patrons that tell you how much they appreciate and love your work, etc....ALL THAT kind of stuff ... put it in a special folder or a treasure box so you have it to read when you are really having a hard time dealing with rejection. It helps wipes away some of the tears...and quiets the sobbing.
That way, we can remember that yes, we are O.K. and that it is just something to get thru right now. It will help in improving our work also...and to try harder next time. It makes us look at our work even more intensly and dissect it.

oh! she's adorable!!

I think rejection is hard. No matter all we know intellectually about different people with different tastes, etc. No matter how many acceptances or rewards we earn.. the rejections hurt.

I will say that your statement, "Ultimately, we are like waves pounding the beach. We just keep at it, knowing that we are doing what we were put on earth to do and always trying to advance down the endless road of learning and becoming better artists and people," is so profound.

I think I'll keep that as my mantra!! THANKS!!!

Speaking of rejections and acceptances, this is interesting - what do you think of this behavior?

On a local Art Gallery's FaceBook call for entries for a juried show, one person commented: "How do I do this?" And the gallery replied: "Submit, attend. Instructions to follow. but you are in."

What? "BUT YOU ARE IN!!!"

I admit I was stunned to see that.

I can't believe the gallery/curator would publicly state that one of the artists didn't need to be juried like everyone else. How commonly do groups publicly behave like this? Wouldn't this make people not bother to try and submit to shows? I know they're off my list of acceptable venues.

Haggerty,

My guess is that the gallery owner didn't realize that a message like that should have been sent privately, rather than in a public place. Big faux pas! And yes, it would send quite a mixed message to other potential applicants. Some people don't "get" how social media works. I've seen other ham-handed examples like that, too.

Thanks for sharing your story Richard.

I don't remember where I got this suggestion, but it's great after a bout of rejection or just plain rudeness. Every time someone compliments your work, whether in person, at a show or via email, go write it down. Create a document called "positives" on your computer or just jot them down in a notebook if you prefer. When you get blindsided by a negative, pull out your positives and remind yourself that you have received some kind words. It helps to put things into perspective.

Richard, that certainly sounds demoralizing! But I have to wonder if this client was the kind of customer who probably wouldn't be satisfied with anything. You know, like the kind of person who always finds something to complain about at a restaurant, even if everyone else at the table sees no problem with the meal. The best remedy I've found for rejection is to move on, put it behind you, and get into to the next project. When you do so, the rejection shrinks back to realistic proportions.

Casey....
Yes, that I agree with as I had mentioned in an above comment about doing something very similar to that.

At times I wish I had a tape recorder even to save the words when there are kind compliments....then just click the button to hear the words again when needed to be heard.

Richard,
The portrait of the child was lovely. Sorry that your client wasn't pleased. This post is timely for me as well. I recently completed a large size commission for a dear friend. She is at a distance and I emailed her samples of landscape studies and she chose elements from the various studies. I took elements from the studies and incorporated her suggestions but the final painting didn't resemble any one study. I didn't email her the final as she opted to be surprised. When I finally delivered the painting, her reaction was less than I had hoped for. Although she said it was nice, she pointed out an element she thought would be more prominent and also said that the painting wasn't what she expected. I told her she wasn't obligated to take the painting and that I wanted her to love it. She hung it and it was prominently displayed for a charity event at her home that weekend and received many complements. In the end she took the painting but I don't have a positive feeling about the whole experience. I haven't deposited her check yet and I'm not sure what to do. I know she wouldn't want to hurt my feelings. We have chatted online about other things since and the painting was not brought up. I have discussed this with a few friends and their initial reaction was to just let it go. I thought maybe I should double check with her and offer to do a replacement if she isn't happy with it. I guess I needed more positive stroking when I delivered the work and I have been torturing myself about it. Any thoughts? As an aside, I donated a painting to the charity event, displayed some work and donated a percent of sales to the charity and gave her another small painting that she admired while I was visiting. The painting is displayed at the top of my blog currently.

Joanne,
When I work with client I do not allow 'surprises' for the very reason you have discovered. Especially at the beginning of a piece I show them a mock-up (usually done in Photoshop) of the major elements and how the finished painting will be composed. That's when major adjustments can be easily made, if need be. They know my style so they understand it will not be photorealistic. I show the client a high resolution photo of the finished painting for their approval before they send their final check. As a rule, however, I don't send work in progress photos because most non-painters don't know how to understand a painting that is incomplete. By sending good planning mock-ups and good final photos it keeps everybody on the same page so there is not the opportunity for misunderstandings and/or hurt feelings. I know this doesn't help with your current situation, but maybe it will help prevent future issues.

Hi Mimi, Karen and Sandy,
Thanks for taking the time to reply to my query.

Karen,
You are absolutely right about getting approvals. I had sent her a number of small studies and an image of another painting of the same scene that I had done previously. She made comments and suggestions and I thought I had it all covered. I usually do commissions where I am working off of a photo of someone's house or pet, etc. There isn't much wiggle room there. This was the first decorative/landscape commission and the first really large piece I have done. Next time I will send a digital image for final approval. I agree with your comments about not sending a partially completed image. Most non artists just can't deal with that. I wasn't thrilled with the colors in my photos though and even photo suite didn't adjust them to my satisfaction.

Mimi and Sandy,
Thanks for checking out my blog. That was the painting over her sofa. I really thought it looked stunning in the room. It is a contemporary house with 30 foot vaulted ceilings. I guess time will tell. If she frames it, then I will know she likes it. She seemed to think it needed framing. A matter of personal taste. If it were me, I would have left it like that for a more contemporary look.

Thanks again ladies!

As an artist my artworks are out there in the public domain at the risk of rejection by both the general public and the art galleries who are inundated by waves of hopefuls also trying to reaching out through their art.

Vincent Van Gogh reputedly sold only one painting while alive. He was not understood at the time but his work is now loved. MOMA, decline a gift from Andy Warhol in 1956 then in 1961 it turned Yoko Ono away, they have now re-assessed those decisions.

While we, as today's artists, may not presume to put ourselves in that league as the above mentioned artists, we can realize that everyone faces this rejection. We are all rejected by someone, somewhere. Just do not let this rejection kill that personal creative vision.

Rejection is nothing new, but it still does not feel good. As sensitive as artists are to their subject matter, in order to bring their work to the world, they must cultivate a disapproval-resistant skin or simply put a thick skin. Artists need to develop their passion along with an attitude that will not look to others for approval.

Art is so very personal that we often see it as representing ourselves. So when it’s torn to shreds or even mildly criticized, artists can be devastated with their egos taking a knock.

As an artist you have to be open to criticism; there’s no way around it. And if you’re in business you need to welcome and respond to it. Particularly if your business is selling your own art because your confidence will inspire collectors to purchase it.

You need to maintain that perspective that not everyone is going to like your work. Not everyone likes mine and I don’t care, its their loss etc. Because I only need a few select collectors every year to like my art just enough to buy it.

Success can also have a side -effect in that it can elevate an artist to an unrealistic self-worth. Therefore, in spite of success or failure, the artist must be faithful to their personal artistic vision.

There is a message in any artwork and It and really does not matter if its not understood, it might be one day perhaps?

I'm so glad I came across your blog and this article in particular!!

As someone who is trying to shy away from perfectionism and be more open/relaxed this concept is very dear to me. I have spent a great deal of time and energy basing my success and value upon other's opinions and shall we say "ratings". It's a cycle which I am slowly working to break.

This obviously comes about in my artwork too. I really tuned in when you stated..."is it worth the effort to try to salvage the situation or is it best to accept the disappointment and move on? We cannot please everyone and some will prove impossible to please, no matter how hard we try. I think the key is to not internalize a lasting sense of failure"... At the end of the day the even can only affect us to the degree that we let it and your article really puts it all into perspective.

Can't please the entire world, so what, life's too short, move on and seize the next opportunity. I love it!

Richard I am sorry you had a painful critique on that commission. Art is subject to many interpretations, it starts conversations, people will say what is in their gut without thought most often. With a personal portrait, they feel righteous, regardless of what they think the artist might feel, to state opinions. I hear people cut down other artists works all the time, no matter what subject it is. So, with that in mind, I realize that not everyone has the same opinion of my art.
I was recently glossed over at a judged show when I thought I had entered my personal best work. When the awards were announced, they did not call my name. Sure, it shocked me, I truly felt I entered a winner this time. It was a damn fine work of art that I excelled in creating. My past judgement in entering pieces in this show were right on and received awards. Well, we can`t win them all. So, I walked away thinking, those judges were of differing opinions that did not add up to giving my piece high notice and scores. Hmm, I certainly felt rejected to a degree. Only at the reception I heard countless compliments on the piece. Several times I was standing behind other artists and they didn`t know I was there. To my fortune, they said they loved that work of art, it stopped them in their tracks. I listened to that eagerly and figured the piece had public appeal, but not the judges appeal. I felt good by that, I know I can`t make every judge happy all the time. I went home and painted like I always did, feeling my validation still ticking. Just a little wounded. All wounds do heal eventually. Better luck next time they say!